I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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