If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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