Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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