Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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