i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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