And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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