i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize