Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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