I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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