Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
