all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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