who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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