I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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