I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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