He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize