The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize