Your face is a jimmy john
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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