I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize