you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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