Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
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Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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