Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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