Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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