went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize