Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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