I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I checked into jail on foursquare
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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