When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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