I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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