all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize