Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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