I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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