girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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