Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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