i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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