Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
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Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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