i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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