Will you blow on my dice?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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