I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
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I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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