Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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