i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize