Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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