Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize