apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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