it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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