He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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