I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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