Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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