Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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