people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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