you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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