You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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