i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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